My Journey

It's been a frustrating few weeks for me. I'm finding myself wanting to fall into some of my old ways of thinking about God and how He interacts with me. About who He is and how He is involved in my life and the life of my family.

A Little Background of My Life

I grew up in a "christian" home, being dragged to church anytime the doors were open. We went to a church that was part of the Plymouth Brethren movement, (http://en.wikipedia.orgwiki/Plymouth_Brethren). Growing up in a church like this was painful. It was painful in the sense that it set the tone for my life and how I saw God for many years to come.
My father was very involved in the church. You might say that he was one of the "elders" although there were no titles in the church. My father ruled the home with an iron fist. He was a harsh disciplinarian and had a very short fuse when it came to me. Not a very patient I was the oldest of four with three younger sisters and grew up with a sense that he preferred them over me. He liked to shut himself up in his room and read all his "religious" books including his plethora of bibles. My father didn't seem to have much time to spend with me and when we did spend time together I was always a tag-along. Not much quality time.

Anyhow, my earthly father shaped and formed how I viewed my Heavenly Father; harsh, short tempered, very temperamental, and always ready to come down hard with discipline when I stepped out of line. This is how I saw my Heavenly Father for thirty-and-a-half years.

Fathers have a HUGE impact on how there children see and view God. And for me that is certainly true as it is for my three sisters. The impact that my father had on his children was and is far reaching.

The Beginning of Change

Then in the fall of 2008 I begin reading a lot. I had never been much of a reader, but I begin reading a book entitled "Blue Like Jazz" by Don Miller. This book started me on a journey of discovering and knowing God as a loving and caring Father. I now find it ironic that this journey for me begin during an election year and that the theme of the elections was "Change". In the political climate of this particular fall, I was seeing my heart drawn to the working poor, the homeless, to the least among us (Matt. 25). My heart was changing. My way of thinking was changing. What I valued was changing. Everything was changing! God the Father, was drawing me to Himself. To know His heart for me. All this had a big impact on the life of my family. My wife, Catherine, had, since we got married, been anticipating that God would "ambush" me someday.

I was beginning to open my heart up to whatever God wanted to do in me. To remove anything in my heart that was not firmly grounded in Him. I begin falling in love with Jesus. He was drawing me after Himself!

"I have loved you with an everlasting love;
therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness"
Jeremiah 31:3

Anyhow, this journey that I set off on in the fall of '08 is one I don't think will have any end. It is a journey that I will continue on for the rest of my life. I desire that my Heavenly Father leave no stone unturned in my heart. I don't want to come to the end of my life leaving my children, Ezekiel and Lucy, the kind of legacy that my father left me. My desire is for my children to "grow in the wisdom and stature" of there Heavenly Father. To know how deeply they are love not just by Catherine and me, but also by God.